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Aviation Humor

Flight Rules
Author Last Post
When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.
- Robert Livingston, 'Flying The Aeronca'

The only time an aircraft has too much fuel on board is when it is on fire.
- Sir Charles Kingsford Smith, sometime before his death in the 1920s

If you can't afford to do something right, then be darn sure you can afford to do it wrong.
- Charlie Nelson

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day.
- Layton A. Bennett

I hope you either take up parachute jumping or stay out of single motored airplanes at night.
- Charles A. Lindbergh, to Wiley Post, 1931

Never fly the 'A' model of anything.
- Ed Thompson

Keep thy airspeed up, less the earth come from below and smite thee.
- William Kershner

When a prang seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity, as slowly and gently as possible.
- Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II.

Always keep an 'out' in your hip pocket.
- Bevo Howard

The Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.
- attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum.
- Jon McBride, astronaut

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible.
- Bob Hoover

If an airplane is still in one piece, don't cheat on it. Ride the bastard down.
- Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am 80,000 feet and Climbing.
- sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location on Kadena, AFB

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
- Paul F Crickmore,

The emergencies you train for almost never happen. It's the one you can't train for that kills you.
- Ernest K. Gann, advice from the 'old pelican'

If you want to grow old as a pilot, you've got to know when to push it, and when to back off.
- Chuck Yeager

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.
- Richard Herman Jr., 'Firebreak'

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
- Sign over squadron Ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970. (It was still there in 1972.)

Life is simple. Eat, sleep, fly.

Try not to die all tensed up. - Earthquake

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and good bowel movement.
The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life to experience all three at the same time.

Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV.
- A DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the 'glass cockpit' of an A-320.

It only takes two things to fly: --- airspeed and money.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.

It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.

The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engine usually quits whining when it gets to the gate.

A copilot is a knothead until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.

Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

I give that landing a 9 . . . on the Richter scale.

Basic Flying Rules:

1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.

2. Do not go near the edges of it.

3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there.

Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son, this is where the food is."
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